What did one marshmallow say to the other marshmallow around the campfire? Time…
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How do pirates measure the distance they swim? In YARRRRRds.
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Where do…
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‘Parenthood is a journey except it’s just traveling from room to room putting…
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What do you get when you combine an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks…
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Was the Declaration of Independence written in Philadelphia? No, it was written…
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What’s the best way to stop your dog from barking in the front yard? Put him in…
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Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and…
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Why did the duck go to the chiropractor? To get it’s back quacked.
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What…
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Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens…
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What happens when ice scream gets angry? It has a melt down.
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What’s Bill…
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What do you call a fish that won’t shut up? A big-mouthed bass.
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What fish…
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What do you call a squirrel that solves crimes? Squirrel-lock Holmes.
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‘Parents, write this down: Many of you haven’t seen your children in four years…
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Did you hear about the chicken who became dictator.It started with a coo…
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All the toilets in the police station have disappeared, and they are asking for…
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Why isn’t 10 cents worth as much as it used to be? The dimes have changed…
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Shine bright like a diamond, but cheaper.
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Light humor always brightens my…
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It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa…
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I can always tell when someone is lying. I can tell when they’re standing too…
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My gardener talked to me about edible herbs I can grow. It was sage advice…
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What do you get when you cross a parrot with a caterpil lar? A little walkie-…
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How much do rainbows weigh? Not much. They’re actually pretty light.
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Why…
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What do you call a criminal landing an airplane? Condescending.
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What’s a…
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What does a condiment wizard perform? Saucery.
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What did the coffee report…
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When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?
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Why did…
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Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground just a few minutes…
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I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he…
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What do you call the funniest guest at Easter dinner? The Easter ham.
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Why did the electric car feel discriminated against? Because the rules weren’t…
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What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? “Dill me in!”
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Why do…